April 21st, 2007
- If they spell “doughnut,” donut — eat the Chinese food instead.
- If said restaurant adds unneeded adjectives to either food type (i.e., OK Donuts, Faster Donuts, Happy Donuts, Wacky Chinese Food) — expect the complete opposite.
- Never expect quality from the food item listed second on the marquee. It was an obvious afterthought and the establishment has used questionable technological workarounds in order to be able to create said afterthought food item.
- Colors matter. Signs that include orange, red and green are to be avoided. Blacks, blues and whites — you’re okay to go.
- A spinning sign advertising the hybrid food restaurant is to be embraced. If they’ve put the money into a moving sign, they’re probably purchased an actual doughnut making machine instead of throwing raw doughnut dough into the orange chicken pan.
- If the sign has an artist’s rendering of a doughnut or chinese food container and it doesn’t look like a doughnut or chinese food container — steer clear. Anyone who thinks a drawing of a food item will drive traffic and customers is sorely wrong and attempting to make up for something.
- In reference to the previous “adding adjective to food type” rule — if said sign is split into two signs (i.e., one says Donuts and the other is the adjective), it’s obvious the adjective sign was added later, in an attempt to convince people that yes, these donuts are faster, stronger, and more intelligent. It’s a bad bad sign.
- Flourescent window signs that proclaim “I Heart Donuts” or “Hot Hot Hot!” mean you should eat the Chinese Food. Flourescent window signs that proclaim “Moo Shoe Porked Now!” or “Eggroles” mean you should eat the doughnuts.
- If the clerk of said hybrid restaurant, upon your entering the establishment, says something like, “Hello my friend would you like to partake in a wonderful taste experience for your taste buds!” Leave. Quickly.
- If a Carls’ Jr./Green Burrito or El Pollo Loco/Foster’s Freeze moves into your neighborhood to try to force out your local Chinese Food Donut Hybrid — always stick with the little guy. He’s gonna need your help.
Posted under Chinese Food, Donuts, Doughnuts, Ten Rules. |
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I’ve always been scared of the hybrid “donut and teriyaki bowl” place in my neighborhood….almost as scared as I am of a “seafood buffet”.
Comment by Hilly — April 21, 2007 @ 9:21 am
Hilly - Yeah, stay away from any place that has a general food item paired with a specific food item. Like I’d never eat at a Jelly Donut and Greek Food place, or a Donut and Moo Shoo Pork Restaurant. It’s just unnerving.
Comment by Pauly D — April 21, 2007 @ 10:17 am
I always thought that was such a weird combination of food! I never ventured in but always shook my head
Comment by LisaBinDaCity — April 22, 2007 @ 6:53 am
I live around the corner from a place I thought was called “Donuts & Things.”
Which, sure, would be frightening/concerning enough.
But one day I realized there was no “&.” No ‘n’. No “and.” So it’s actually called “Donuts Things.”
I don’t go there.
Comment by kiki — April 22, 2007 @ 9:17 am
Kiki - There’s a place called “OK Donuts” here in Los Angeles. Obviously I would have loved to have been around for the conversation between the owners when they decided the name:
Her: “How about, Amazing Donuts?”
Him: “But, we don’t want get anyone’s hopes up.”
Her: “How about, Decent Donuts?”
Him: “Sounds mediocre.”
Her: “OK.”
Him: “That’s it!”
Her: “What’s it?”
Him: “OK Donuts!”
Comment by Pauly D — April 22, 2007 @ 3:19 pm
Slightly off topic but loosely related…we have a place nearby called Rashan Sushi. As it’s a Sushi restaurant that’s a pretty good name. But clearly they should have quit when they were ahead because they have a slogan-subtitle type thing “Bit slow- but good.”
I’ve eaten there and it’s absolutely true. It’s a bit slow - but good. Even funnier is the fact that they use PDAs to wirelessly transmit the order to the kitchen and it’s still just terrifically slow (but good!)
Comment by Apologiesallround — April 22, 2007 @ 4:03 pm
Oh man - last time I was in the LA area, I ate at a donut/Chinese Food hybrid because I was dying for a donut. As you know, restaurants in certain parts of the LA area are/were forced to post their Health Department Rating in their windows. AFTER I ate the donut, I noticed the place was given a C+. Blah!!! (But the donut was so tasty…must have been the rat hair.)
Comment by T. Malone — April 22, 2007 @ 9:24 pm
The store along my daily drive is simply named “Donut”.
I appreciate the directness of it and although they also sell cigarettes and condoms, those are not on the sign.
Comment by purpletwinkie — April 23, 2007 @ 6:41 am