A Glorious Return to Questions
March 6th, 2006
If you have never answered the questions of WFME, today is your lucky day.
For without questions, there are no answers. And without answers, we do not learn. And if we do not learn, we end up failing as humans. And if we fail as humans, we might as well be aliens. And if we are aliens, we probably have really cool nuclear powered spaceships and can travel to other galaxies. And if we travel to other galaxies, that would be so awesome…
But don’t let that dissuade you from answering the questions.
Question #1
Pick a or b.
a. After a routine physical examination, your doctor informs you that he’s not sure how it happened but there’s a colony of Sea Monkees living in your lower abdomen. They’ve pretty much set up a civilization down there, and although you’ll never feel anything — at some point they’ll learn how to build complicated structures and buildings and you’ll slowly be unable to digest food as well as you used to be able to. Now, don’t worry - it won’t kill you or anything, but when they begin mastering auto/train travel, the movement may make you sick to your stomach.
b. You find out that your dream-person/soulmate/significant other/partner of 10+ years suddenly has an obsession with all things Sea Monkees. That means Sea Monkey wallpaper, bed sheets, mini-aquarium tanks all through the house (including cups and glasses) filled with the creatures, and every conversation (from this point forward) will always, in one way or another, center around the little brine creatures.
Question #2
Pick the first or the last, but be sure to choose fast.
a. Every morning, instead of waking up to the alarm, you will wake up to a random artist from the 80’s (there in your bedroom) playing you one of their Top 10 songs from the Billboard Charts. They will always be random so you may wake up to Karma Chameleon one day and I’m Too Sexy the next day. When the artist is finished waking you up with the song you must make them breakfast, take them to work for the day, and actually give them credit for ONE successful job duty, making sure your superiors are aware that they’re responsible. This will happen every single day except weekends.
b. Your new next door neighbors, who have just moved in, happens to be 80’s band A Flock of Seagulls. Every morning, around the time you wake up, they will loudly play “I Ran” from their garage. They will play it, non-stop, for 30 minutes at which point they’ll come over and knock on your door to ask you what you thought of it. Including weekends.
Question #3
Choose one, then you’re done.
a. You have been offered and accept a slot as a contestant on a brand-new reality-game show called Eat My Body Part! where you must choose one of your own discardable body parts (ear lobe, finger tip, et al) and eat it. Each body part will garner you $100,000 and a trip to a tropical locale of your choice. By accepting this slot on the show, you have promised to at least eat 3 parts.
b. Your significant other/partner/whatever goes on the show instead of you, and you must live with them (minus certain parts) forever.
Question #4
Back to a or b.
a. At an office meeting, arranged by the head of your company, everyone is told that there will be “downsizing.” But not the normal kind of downsizing. Here, everyone in the office is going to be shrunk to half their size. So, if you’re six feet, you’ll be three feet. The reason for this is that, in addition to cutting down on resources that full sized people need (and saving money), the office will also be making extra money on weekends performing at children’s birthdays and participating in circus activities. You have no choice. This is a part of your new job requirements.
b. Instead of being downsized yourself — you can choose to have everyone in your family downsized to half their size, leaving you your glorious full-sized self.
Question #5
The final one, and then you’re done.
a. You know that strange looking person you stared at extra long the other day on the street, or in the store, or at the gym? Well great work - now this person is going to show up every night for dinner. No matter when that is, no matter where you are, they’re relentless. And since you looked at them, causing this whole thing, you can’t do anything to stop it.
b. You know that strange looking person you started at extra long the other day on the street, or in the store, or at the gym? Well great work - now you’ll wake up tomorrow looking like this person.
Question #6
I lied, one more.
a. Whenever you drink beer, from the point you start to feel the effects — the extra beer (in an attempt to keep you from getting sick) will actually drain out of your fingertips. Sorry.
b. You can only drink alcohol through your fingertips.
—
Show your work. Share your thoughts. Just be.
These are great! OK…letsee…
1. A. When the little b@stards start getting out of control, I’ll have my scientist friend figure out how much bleach I need to ingest to kill them, but not kill me.
2. I’m flexible…a or b! If it’s A, I seriously can’t think of a more fun way to wake up! And if B, I think eventually, if I’m nice to the Flock, they’ll play the other songs of theirs I liked way back when, like Wishing.
3. Vegetarian…sorry…I have been for 13 years, and I ain’t changing now. And that question is totally gross, Pauly…what is WRONG with you?!
4. B. Lookin’ out for number one. Plus, it will be easier to boss my family around when they start getting out of control…(geez, I’m actually liking this idea!)
5. I think you’re worried about the guy you nodded at the other week, aren’t you? I choose A. I can be so annoying, that eventually, the weirdo would give up. Besides, I kinda like the way I look.
6. A. I can deal with wet fingers. I couldn’t deal with not being able to taste beer, though, which I doubt I could do via finger. So, everyone will just have to deal with my wet hands. I can still get a nice buzz, though, right?
Pauly, my brother, you have way too much time on your beer dripping hands…
Comment by Flower Girl — March 6, 2006 @ 8:28 am
1. First, are “Sea Monkees” related to “The Monkees” or “Sea Monkeys”? because I need to know before I make my decision.
2. b–I can get double pane windows and must I answer my doorbell when it rings? I mean, what if I accidentally, oh I don’t know, don’t hear it?
3. b–Better him than me.
4. b–Does that make me an evil person?
5. a–They could be used a good conversation starter when I’m on a date.
6. a–Not a fan of beer, so this won’t affect me that much. Plus, it could be a really cool party trick.
Comment by Hilary — March 6, 2006 @ 8:30 am
Hilary - “Sea Monkees” are the only Sea Monkeys there are. They’re not related to the British pop band whatsoever.
Comment by Pauly D — March 6, 2006 @ 8:36 am
1. A. and then proceed to swallow a baby piranha.
2. A. if I can take Vince Neil in full makeup to work for a day and scare the bejeezus out of my boss, it would be worth it.
3. A. the noble bastard that I am.
4. If it’s only my blood relatives, I pick B. If my wife is included on that list, I quit my job.
5. A. I’ve looked at some pretty good looking people.
6. B. only if they make wider glasses so I can get my hand in to suck every last drop out of the bottom. I may be many things, but I am not a waster.
Comment by Kevin — March 6, 2006 @ 8:47 am
1. A. I’ll take the Sea monkees…I hear they are quite fastidious and inventive. Hopefully it wont take them long to develop a top-rate garbage collection infrastructure to offset my digestion problems.
2. B. Does that include “Flock of Seagull” hair styling advice?
3. Pass
4. B. Downsize the family. I would dominate at the next family reunion volleyball game.
5. A. Can I also invite “flock of seagulls” for dinner?
6. A. Oh the sea monkee’s won’t like this one. Actually, thats not a bad idea, sort of like a sump-pump only with fingers.
Comment by H.F. Peterman — March 6, 2006 @ 9:01 am
This was fun. Here are my answers.
Question #1
a. Since the Sea Monkeys won’t hurt, I’d choose to have them inside me where I can’t see them, rather than on my wall paper and sheets. The eventual slowing of digestion probably won’t be any different than when i turn old and have to have my food ground up anyway. And I’ve never really had motion sickness (just morning sickness which I handled just fine).
Question #2
b. How cool would it be to have A Flock of Seagulls living next door to me? I love that song, “I Ran”, and if it ever got on my nerves, I could always just take my shower during that time to drown out the words. The other option is just asking for trouble. Who wants to listen to Twisted Sister’s We’re Not Gonna Take It, much less bring them to work?
Question #3
b. I can live with my significant other being limbless. And he’d be so grateful, he’d be sure to share his winnings with me. Eating my own body parts? Disgusting!
Question #4
b. As someone who is only 5′2″, it would be awesome to be finally taller than everyone else.
Question #5
b. At least if I was the weird terrible looking one, I wouldn’t have to look at myself across the dinner table. So unappetizing. Hopefully those around me would love me enough to not care, or at least they could politely look down at their dinner plates so as not to make me feel uncomfortable.
Question #6
a. This would save many a hangover the next day. Once your fingertips start dripping, you know you’re cut off. I’d just have to make sure I had some extra napkins around at all times. Well, not all times. I don’t drink all the time. Really I don’t.
Comment by Boogie's Mom — March 6, 2006 @ 9:20 am
B. Beloved Sea Monkeys everywhere? Cool. I could talk about THEM all day! Do I really need a significant other to decorate or can I just do it myself?
A. Breakfast in bed, right? There were a lot of hot stars, y’know.
A. Break out the Worcestershire!
B. I could have my whole family down to stay and they could sleep in the dresser drawers! No hotel bill!
A. That strange-looking person was actually Pauly D. What’s your favorite dish, Honey?
B. Definitely B. My mouth can eat, smoke and talk.
Comment by nic — March 6, 2006 @ 10:17 am
You know, sniff, that if a person’s obsession with sea monkeys was really bothering a person, or if a person had a drinking problem, a person could just mention it to them and not go through this ridiculous charade with the questions. AND by the way, you SAID you LIKED 80’s music and I was NOT staring at that guy.
Comment by susan — March 6, 2006 @ 10:22 am
Ooh! Me likey!
Question #1:
I would most definitely choose A. Why, you ask? Because even though I love my boyfriend to death, I think I would rather endure physical pain than mental pain listening to him talk about sea monkeys all the damn time.
Question #2:
I would choose A again for the same reason as Question #1. Anything that is repeated is my enemy. The fact that with choice A I will get variety is why I choose it. And, at least I’ll always have buddies for the bus ride to work.
Question #3:
I’m choosing A. I have long hair so I can hide a missing earlobe (or two).
Question #4:
B, please. I think it would be darn funny (and, there are lots of peeps in my family that I wish were downsized all the time).
Question #5:
A. I’m hoping they have a great personality!
Question #6:
B. But i think this will get me into trouble….I can just see myself dipping my fingers in other people’s drinks at the bar, “oops, sorry, my hand slipped”.
Comment by Jacynth — March 6, 2006 @ 10:29 am
Being a killjoy, I’d like to point out that the only question asked was if we remembered the strange looking person we stared at last week.
No, I do not. I don’t like to stare at people - it’s embarassing when they notice.
Comment by Figs — March 6, 2006 @ 12:59 pm
#1 - A. Sounds like the uncomfortableness could be a really good weight-loss aid, which I could market to the masses (someone from CSI could study the structure of my Sea Monkey colony and replicate it). And then I’d be rich. Yay.
#2 - B. This was kind of a tough one…but I suppose that hearing “I Ran” can’t be any more annoying than listening to my alarm clock go off. Although it might be a bit like living inside Groundhog Day.
#3 - Hmm. I feel really mean saying that I’d make my significant other (who at this point is a hypothetical) eat himself…but frankly, I don’t really want to eat myself all that much. Is it at all noble to hope that my boyfriend would volunteer to take one for the team and I could choose B without feeling bad? Hmm. Probably not.
#4 - B. I really don’t want to be a little person. Although for the record, I would feel bad downsizing my already rather small niece, and my brother — who might not get to do his competitive martial arts stuff quite so well anymore.
#5 - A! Does this mean I’m vain? Maybe. But I have no desire to look like a weird guy. Or like a guy at all, for that matter (dating is hard enough already!). I suppose if he came to dinner every night, I could at least prepare shitty food to make him miserable.
#6 - A. I am more than happy to carry around something rather absorbent with me when drinking. Also, I’m guessing I could make a living as a Bounty spokesperson?
Comment by sandra — March 6, 2006 @ 1:06 pm
#1-b, i actually would look forward to that
#2-a, sweet
#3-i don’t do reality shows
#4-b-i’m about to be the shortest one in my house, i’d like to reverse that
#5-a-no problem, hopefully they won’t complain about what i’m making for dinner
#6-b-if only it could be that easy
Comment by better safe than sorry — March 6, 2006 @ 1:18 pm
#1 - a
I like to entertain, and I’m pretty sure my friends would stop coming over if they knew about my significant other’s obsession with sea monkees. But they’d never have to know about the colonization of my insides. You know, the whole “what they don’t know won’t hurt them” thing.
#2 - a
Variety is the spice of life. I would kill myself if I had to listen to the same song every day. Especially if it was that one. Plus, I’d have a hard time figuring out if it was a new day or if I was reliving yesterday, like in “Groundhog’s Day”.
#3 - b
Although I find the human body to be fascinating, I’m unusually squeamish when it relates to my own body. Someone else bleeding profusely from a severed limb — fascinating! Me bleeding at the tip of my finger from a pin prick — loss of color in face, followed by nausea, followed by actual vomiting, followed by fainting. So it would definitely be better for my significant other to sign up for the show.
#4 - b
I’ve always wanted to be taller, so if I shrink everyone around me, maybe I’ll get over that issue.
#5 - a
It is much more probable that I stared at someone because they were strange-looking or oddly-dressed than because they were beautiful. So I definitely don’t want to look like them. Call me shallow.
#6 - a
I drink wine, not beer. And that’s all about taste. So I need to keep my drinking abilities in my mouth.
Comment by Nicole — March 6, 2006 @ 1:51 pm
Well this is not your average quiz…
1. B — Well, a sounds a bit like being perpetually pregnant. (Been there done that have the stretch marks, not doing it again). So I pick B. The man is a telecom analyst, and well, if I can listen to conversation ad nauseum about divergence then I’m sure I can tolerate Sea Monkeys.
2. A — breakfast in bed… with musicians… tres cool indeed. Besides I don’t love Flock of seagulls all that much.
3. Ewwww… ummm… B. I just don’t handle pain all that well, and unless they are offering some sort of sedative, I reckon he’s better at it than I am. Of couse, we’d have to discuss which body parts are off limits. There are a few I’m rather fond of
4. A — there are many ways to describe my size, glorious isn’t one of them. Smaller would be a different experience and if it amuses the kidlets then all the better.
5. A — I’m a lousy cook, and I usually make too much of everything… I can only cook like four things and they are in rotation. Alas… drive the weirdo crazy. Besides maybe he and the spouse can find common groud with the Sea Monkeys.
6. A — I’ll forego beer as long as I can still have a dry martini (gin with a twist, shaken.)
Comment by Nat — March 6, 2006 @ 4:43 pm
1) a - Does it seem shallow that I’d rather be sick to my stomach than have to hand over decorating control to someone who obsesses over Sea Monkees?
2) b - I happen to like being adored and wouldn’t give that up for anything!
But what would happen when the #1 hits ran out in option A? I mean, in theory that would happen after 520 days…
3) b - Since I don’t currently have a significant other to be attached to, I have no problem sacrificing their toes.
4) b - All of my family members are already short, and I’m already tall - so it wouldn’t be that much of a disruption
5) b - Who knows? Maybe he’s a demon in the sack!
6) b - I would win a chugging race hands down- get it? Hands down? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Comment by Bre — March 6, 2006 @ 5:37 pm
Question #1 - a. If I can’t feel them, I don’t care if they make me a little sick later on in life. The bedsheets and wallpaper would effect me more now.
Question #2 - b. Because, dude, I wouldn’t have to cook breakfast. Plus, I like Flock of Seagull’s hair style.
Question #3 - b. I like my fingers/earlobes. Though I could use the money. Sorry, honey.
Question #4 - b. I don’t like most of my family much anyway. I could kick them and run away more easily now that they’re half my size.
Question #5 - b. I’d rather not be annoyed by someone, despite what they look like. And I’m pretty much at home in front of my computer all the time, so not a lot of people to stare at me anyway.
Question #6 - b. I often have dreams of worms coming out of my fingertips, so anything REALLY doing that would creep me the heck out. I don’t drink much anyway - so b works for me. Though I would miss tasting my wine.
Comment by C.M.Chase — March 6, 2006 @ 7:00 pm
1. ) B. I could always ignore my significant other and if it gets too out of hand- he will get the boot. Guys do stranger things that we have to learn to live with……
2.) B. I could always complain of the noise to the cops. There are bound to be some ordinances that would put a stop to that. If worse comes to worse, I would install better windows to stiffle the sound better…… and I would never, ever answer the door!
3.) B. As stated to #1, I would let my significant other do that. And if it got too gross, he would be history. Brutal, but true…
4.) C. Just quit the job. I couldn’t even be accomodating with this one (Sorry Pauly…)
5.) A. As weird as it would be, I think I could ignore them while having dinner. Hell, it might even become something to look forward to…..
6.) B. As long as I can drink it with out much hassle, I am right as rain.
Comment by cutiepie2 — March 6, 2006 @ 7:44 pm
1) I cannot bear the thought of a colony of creatures living inside me. In fact, my greatest fear is that I’ll die from some sort of parasite infestation. Definitely B!
2) B. What’s 30 minutes?
3) B. I don’t think I’d taste too good. I could deal with someone missing a couple digits and/or his earlobes.
4) B. I like being tall and I’ll be moving out soon enough and won’t have to look at my bizarre dwarf family. Just as long as I don’t have to cart them around on my back or anything…
5) Now this isn’t fair! I guess A because I’d only have to put up with the strangeness on a limited basis. I mean if I was strange looking myself, well, then I’d have to put up with people treating me weird all day, everyday.
6) A. That doesn’t sound so bad…1) I don’t like beer that much…2) This could actually be useful protection against getting drunk.
Comment by Jaclyn — March 6, 2006 @ 8:36 pm
1) B… and it’s not my sig. other. It’s me. And it’s your fault. I forgot about sea monkeys until reading your post. Where is the closest discovery store?? Anyone?
2) B… I could never get sick of hearing “I RAN”. Especially live!!!
3) B… because he would have just lost those parts anyway at work or playing sports.
4) B… most of my family members that drive me crazy and cause too much drama are all short to begin with so at 1/2 the size, they will be almost non-existent. The tall members of my family are really tall. Not like 10 feet but… well, ok… I’m just selfish. I don’t want to be 3 feet 8 1/2 inches tall. (that’s 1/2 of 5′7″ right?)
5.) How about the person I stared at on the internet??? See ya tommorrow Pauly (ok, that was just creepy, no?)
6) A… because I usually only drink one beer because I don’t have a drinking problem… really … I’m fine!!!!
Thanks for the session
Of really strange question(s).
Comment by Jacquie — March 7, 2006 @ 5:45 am
Question #1a I’m always sort of queasy anyway.
Question #2b I like Flock of Seagulls, this wouldn’t be so bad.
Question #3b I can live with a lot of things, missing earlobes included.
Question #4b since I am very short, I’d like to feel like a giant for once in my life!
Question #5 b. Hopefully that person was a total hottie!
Question #6 b. You can only drink alcohol through your fingertips.
That’s a sneaky, neat trick!
Comment by Jessey — March 7, 2006 @ 6:30 am
Wow. I must commend everyone for their thorough, thought-provoking answers.
And I love how many people love A Flock of Seagulls.
Comment by Pauly D — March 7, 2006 @ 9:20 am
re: Question #2
“I’m Too Sexy” was from 1992… not the 80s
Your fact-researcher has failed you, and i - for one - am shocked. Shocked, I tell you.
Comment by crispy — March 8, 2006 @ 11:16 am
Crispy - Thanks to you, someone just lost their job. Good work!
Comment by Pauly D — March 8, 2006 @ 11:20 am
You must make 6b a reality. I love sucking on my fingers, and being able to get drunk in the process sounds fantastic. Plus, it would give me a great excuse to suck on other people’s fingers — but only hot ones with clean hands, of course.
Comment by Lynn — March 11, 2006 @ 8:11 am